This is your weekly digest of top crypto news from Cryptonews.com, followed by a collection of 20 hand-picked crypto jokes.
__________
This week in crypto: we looked into bitcoin price predictions as BTC surpassed $42,000 amidst dovish Fed signals, as well as ethereum price predictions as JPMorgan said ETH would outperform BTC in 2024, while Mike Novogratz admitted that he was wrong about XRP and altcoins.
Then, FIFA announced an NFT collection in its first collaboration with tech firm Modex, Sotheby’s first Bitcoin inscription auction raised $451,000, Pudgy Penguins revealed its zkSync Era-based Web3 game Pudgy World, and Immutable eliminated fees in its zkEVM gaming solution,
Speaking of games, Immortal Game decided to kill off its NFT and P2E features due to widespread cheating, the Rhysida hacker group attacked Insomniac Games and asked for 50 BTC in ransom, multiple popular dapps were compromised following a hack against a popular Web3 connector, OKX DEX was exploited with some wallets losing around $400,000, and while HTX saw $248 million in net outflow since resuming operations, Justin Sun said customer deposits at HTX and Poloniex are “100% safe” despite multiple recent hacks.
Meanwhile, the Brazilian neobanking unicorn Nubank will begin allowing its customers to make crypto withdrawals, messaging app LINE secured $140 million for expansion of its NFT platform, Nasdaq will leverage the technology developed for its crypto venture to expand into emerging markets, and Deutsche Bank’s DWS Group teamed up with Galaxy Digital to issue a euro stablecoin.
That’s not all. BankSocial said it would launch a credit union that would let people buy and sell digital currencies, a former Credit Suisse executive launched a crypto trading platform for financial institutions, and Worldcoin unveiled integrations with Minecraft, Reddit, Telegram, Shopify, and Mercado Libre.
In Russia, the government claimed that all citizens will be able to use the CBDC in 2024, but the Central Bank insisted that the coin will not be ready for nationwide use before 2025. While major Turkish banking institutions were making moves to secure their positions in the digital asset space, and South Korean financial regulators said NFTs were not subject to the same rules as cryptoassets, the US SEC Chair Gary Gensler evaded questions regarding the status of spot bitcoin ETF application.
Meanwhile, new details emerged surrounding Binance’s compliance requirements in the wake of its plea deal with the US government, Gemini Earn creditors could face up to a 70% reduction in their promised crypto payouts as part of a proposed reorganization plan, and the Hong Kong High Court ruled against Huobi in a trademark infringement case. Also, Sam Bankman-Frieds’s lawyer said his client “may be at the very top of the list as the worst person I’ve ever seen do a cross-examination.”
As that was happening, Cardano introduced a new digital Identity Wallet, Coinbase announced the launch of spot trading for non-US investors on its international exchange, BNB Chain published its tech roadmap for the decentralized storage network BNB Greenfield, and we learned a North American Bitcoin mining infrastructure boom is coming.
And now: the jokes!
__________
Good morning, all!
GM to all the dip survivors pic.twitter.com/yI8wrZgWpo
— Devchart (@devchart) December 13, 2023
__
Disbelief.
my underwear watching me buy the dip: pic.twitter.com/k2jxkSwnMx
— LilMoonLambo (@LilMoonLambo) December 13, 2023
__
“Can’t buy it now, look at it! It dropped.”
Source: markets_crypto / Instagram
__
No more kidneys.
Source: thecryptohodler / Instagram
__
Fair enough.
When people ask me about my $BTC + Crypto portfolio pic.twitter.com/QDYjV5T4O6
— Altcoin Sherpa (@AltcoinSherpa) December 13, 2023
__
Colourful and bling-bling.
When I show them my portfolio pic.twitter.com/A3qAJxJXIf
— Gordon (@AltcoinGordon) December 13, 2023
__
“…if it weren’t for those meddling ETFs!”
Source: ErikVoorhees / Twitter
__
Investooor.
Source: thecryptomonk / Twitter
__
Be honest.
Source: lowstrife / Twitter
__
Satoshithanksgiving Day.
14+ years and counting since Satoshi made this lifestyle possible and profitable.
Embrace the bottles of piss and sleepless nights. They’re coming… pic.twitter.com/AXlNQu0uMT
— The Crypto Monk (@thecryptomonk) December 12, 2023
__
Dammit, Janet Yellen!
Source: coingape.tv / Instagram
__
Spreading love, pity, and condescension?
How I treat nocoiners pic.twitter.com/WTUyMV9M5G
— The Crypto Dog (@TheCryptoDog) December 12, 2023
__
Zen.
When you think you bought a 100x shitcoin you are confident about and it rugs the next day. pic.twitter.com/a1JgXPRSj5
— Blackbeard (@blackbeardXBT) December 11, 2023
__
Literally, the only reason.
Source: markets_crypto / Instagram
__
…. Can’t even….
Sidelined people, who sold during FTX collapse, making fun of buyers throughout 2023 pic.twitter.com/HrtvzTm3SL
— The Crypto Monk (@thecryptomonk) December 10, 2023
__
He’s got (more) complaints.
Source: cryptomocho / Twitter
__
Or you’re married to it, and it just won’t let you escape it.
When you’re married to your shit coin bag but you can’t let go pic.twitter.com/xrOT9RlKD7
— Altcoin Sherpa (@AltcoinSherpa) December 11, 2023
__
Practically rich.
Source: devchart / Twitter
__
Get ready, y’all!
me and the boys when bitcoin goes to $50,000pic.twitter.com/OwOR2cFeI3
— LilMoonLambo (@LilMoonLambo) December 11, 2023
__
And lastly, a documentary with actual, found, live footage.
ayo, BTFD. pic.twitter.com/ar2JaQnDrw
— panamax (@xamanap) December 11, 2023
The post Eliminating Fees, Killing Features, Reducing Payouts and 20 Crypto Jokes appeared first on Cryptonews.